SSSS: Second Semester Senior Suffering

One thing about me that will never change is my love for my home country. While there are many facets of my culture that I love so much, there are some things that I wish were not so ingrained and widespread amongst Korean people. 

 One aspect of South Korean culture that I found to be most discouraging when it comes to academic success was the constant comparisons I received not only from my parents, but from my peers as well. Growing up surrounded with other Korean students, it always seemed like a competition of who was better than the other. 

Even though I grew up in a Korean church where its' inhabitants preach love and compassion for one another, it was not what you would expect. Parents would constantly gossip behind the back of their so-called friends and talk about how great and awesome their child was, as if they were a trophy that they wanted to show off to everyone. This actually caused many members of the church leave, not wanting to associate themselves with a church where the message of love and compassion were not being practiced.

My parents hated this practice of hypocrisy in the church. Despite knowing how much gossip their friends talked about each behind their backs, they felt like they had to engage in these activities in order to fit in with their friends. In one of my previous posts, I mentioned how people in Asian culture try to maintain the harmony of the group, even if it means keeping their opinions to themselves. So, my parents would try their best to praise my sister and I in front of other parents and talk about how great children we were, our academic performance, and how we were so kind to others. 

However, as much as my parents may disagree, I was not the greatest student. I did not try as hard as much as I should have in school and I was very complacent in my academic growth. There were many times where I felt like I was not as worthy of the affection and attention that my parents showered on me, and felt like their love was better placed on my sister (who tried and excelled much more than I did in school). Because of this, I constantly craved the attention of my parents, using every opportunity to show off my abilities; whether it was in my musical ability, my academics, etc. 

With this toxic mentality that I had, I went to college as a HESP (Health and Exercise Major) with the intent of becoming a physical therapist. In my head, it seemed like not as much work as someone who was studying to become a doctor/surgeon/dentist, but just enough work to make my parents proud enough to tell their friends about how their son is in the medical field. Although I loved playing sports, physical therapy and the sciences as a whole was a subject that I was not a fan of. As long as it pleased my parents, it should be enough right?

I was sorely mistaken...